In Defense of the "Love Your Spouse Challenge" and Other Thoughts About Post Shaming on Social Media

I don't often participate in Facebook Challenge posts, usually because I already post a lot anyway. Recently I was nominated to do the Love Your Spouse Challenge. At first I was hesitant because it meant posting something every day for 7 days and sometimes that can be a little overkill for people to see and read. I decided to do it anyway because in that moment, I was so grateful to my spouse for the loving and supportive husband and dad he had been in these first weeks of our new baby's life. I wanted to share that love and gratitude. Were there moments in the first weeks that were hard, not pretty and where we got on each other's nerves? Sure, but it wasn't the My Spouse Drives Me Crazy Challenge, now was it? 

It wasn't long before I started seeing posts criticizing the Love Your Spouse challenge. At first I thought, "Touche....marriage isn't easy or perfect every day, they're right". Then I thought, "Does the fact that marriage isn't easy mean we can't post about loving our spouse?"

So....I had some thoughts and I wrote them down and it became this lengthy blog :)

On the Love Your Spouse Challenge and Why I Disagree With the Posts Telling People to "Get Real Because Marriage is Hard"

Marriage is not perfect. This is true in essence, but it depends on how you define perfect.

What makes my marriage perfect to me is cliche but true - we are both imperfect people. We do have to work on it and choose each other every day. We disagree often, we offend each other and do things that drive each other crazy even after we promise to "not do it again" and then sometimes we do it again and we cycle back into the same old arguments. 

We had to learn how to fight. We are still learning. We will continue to have to learn throughout the rest of our lives because people change, stuff happens and life is unpredictable. No one is perfect but that's what I signed up for when I decided to get married. I wanted someone to go through life with and that includes going through the hard stuff and not liking each other sometimes. Every day "for the rest of our lives" is a long time if we are lucky enough to live long lives and grow old together. I myself am not perfect, I make mistakes and will always have a lot to learn. I want to be forgiven for my mistakes. I want understanding when I'm being a jerk and say or do things I don't mean. I wanted to marry someone who would give me grace and forgiveness for those things and I want to give those to them in return.

But there is a reason I married my husband. I fell madly in love. I continue to fall in love with this guy over and over, especially after we have pulled through something difficult together. Of course the good days where I adore and appreciate and fall in love all over again will out number the bad ones. Something that helps keep those good days alive is communicating and showing your spouse that you love them. I found all of these things in my spouse and in our marriage, so to me it is perfect. 

Some people post about sports, politics, their small businesses - some post a combination of all these things. I post mainly to celebrate joy, happiness and positive things. Not because I want to brag or because I want people to think I/my life is perfect. Sometimes I post about being frustrated or sad or about a bad thing that happened - it's because it's a place where people want to connect with others and that's how I do it. I think that's why people chose to participate in this challenge; they just wanted to share the happy too. 

On shaming people for using filters because "that's not real life"

This subject also made me think of the way people like to criticize others for using filters on apps like Instagram.

I use it because it makes me happy to use a filter that makes my picture look pretty. That's why I want to post it whether it's a picture of me or my food or of nature or my friends. The filters add a little creative, artistic flare and that makes me happy.  

I don't see anything wrong with wanting to put out your best moments, the happy things or a filtered photo that makes you feel good. It's just for fun, why take it so seriously? I feel this way about all critics on all of the social media platforms. I guess it's just true that no matter what, haters gonna hate ya'll. 

No one personally criticized me or my posts, but after having seen the counter-articles and other posts about the challenge being stupid or unrealistic, I just felt compelled to respond.

And that's just like, my opinion man

The X Factor

As most of you know, I am completely obsessed with music. I have nights where I hear one song that gives me that feeling; whether it's inspired, happy, sad, makes me wanna dance..whatever the feeling is, I feel it. And that causes me to go on a frantic search for more songs that make me 'feel'....so I hop on YouYube (back in the day it was Myspace music pages) or I go through all my CDS, and my iTunes....and I spend hours just listening to different songs that make me 'feel'. These are some of my favorite nights because they bring me back to the realization of what makes me tick, of who I am and why I am the way I am. People....connecting with people....music...connecting through music. Feeling that existential feeling of 'we are all here, we are all good, we can all make a difference'. That's just me. And it makes me sound like a hippie :) But that's okay. There's a point to this, I promise....let me continue..:)

So I'm working on the Communication Model in my classes now. We are studying the concept that there is a Sender, a Receiver, a message, feedback, interference...etc...etc...and I'm at the end of the unit, and have realized that some of my kids need a little more. They're not quite grasping the concept the way I want them to, so I'm coming up with ideas to review the communication model in ways that really grab their attention and help them 'get it'.

Some of you may have heard of the new show, "The X Factor". It's pretty much a glorified American Idol and yes...I know that reality television is terrible. I know it's trash. However, occasionally on shows like these...you see someone shine. They sing that song that makes you 'feel'. They draw the reaction from the audience that grabs at your heart strings and makes it apparent that people are connecting on a level they never would have connected on before, and it's stuff like that, that keeps me watching shows like this. Tonight there were two auditions that really grabbed my attention and got me thinking. I thought....I should show this to my students, they'll love the song, they'll like watching a video in class, and I can ask them to watch for parts of the communication process...message...feedback....verbal...non-verbal......and we can all reflect and review and maybe they'll start to understand a little better. And then I got to thinking about how much I give a damn that my students understand this stuff. It seems so simple, it's just the communication process, right? But it's so much bigger than that for me, which is why I studied Communication, why I went to school to teach it, and why I'm still so passionate about how Communication should be/is the most important subject a student will study.

So then I start to think...you know, this really could be great. I'm keeping it relevant, current, I can do so many things this week in class that will really help them grasp these concepts and start caring more because they'll understand it more. And then it occurs to me, that I'm watching this show called the X-Factor where judges are sitting there watching people audition, and deciding whether these people have the X-Factor to make it as singers in the entertainment business.

Here's my real 'ah-ha' moment...you ready? I start thinking about my class and my teaching in regard to 'The X-Factor". The question is, do these people have what it takes to make it in the music industry? Then I turned it around on myself. Do I have what it takes to make it in my classroom? My kids are my audience and I'm the one auditioning. How do I grab their attention? How do I make them want to keep listening? How do I make them 'feel' enough to start understanding and start giving a damn about this subject I care so much about? It's not really the 'day to day' stuff that I'm worried about. I've got the lesson plans, the classroom management, all of that stuff I've got down. The next level is making a difference. Sure my kids are behaving, doing their assignments, getting the surface stuff. But I really want to challenge myself to have that "X-Factor" in the classroom that makes them want more....makes them remember the things they learned in my classroom for years and years....

I think I've got it. Just gotta keep tryin' new things. And don't think that I'm the naive little new teacher who's all hopeful and rainbows and lolli pops. I know I will meet resistance, I know I won't reach every kid I teach and I know for sure that most of my kids won't care about this stuff as much as I do. But what the hell else would I be doing if I wasn't trying my best to try to get them there? :)

Okay. That's all.

Peace, love and communication, ya'll.

"Be Optimistic"

Bonjourno!

It's Monday, again, which means it's the beginning of the first full week of class. So far my classes have gone really well, I have come to realize how fortunate I have been to attain the education, life experience and to know the many people I know who have contributed to me being "the kind" of teacher who does well in an urban school. I see many teachers pulling their hair out and it's the 4th day of school. I'm so glad I'm not one of those teachers right now. I'm not saying the year won't be tough, but so far....so good.

I had a cool moment today when I walked into a conference room and overheard one of my colleagues speaking with one of our instructional coaches in the building. One period out of every day, our teachers have to go to their "teacher meetings" called PLC or PDC...which stand for Professional Learning Communities or Professional Development Committee. This is where we use each other as resources, have discussions, we have guest speakers and professionals who come in to provide extra resources, etc. Each PLC has about 10 teachers in it, and while the majority of the teachers in the PLC I am in during 6th hour are awesome, we have a couple of not awesome teachers who are disagreeable, hard to get along with, and generally damaging to the kind of positive environment we are trying to create. Well as you know, I am fairly new to the building. I've been subbing and student teaching here, but I'm still technically a "first year teacher" so the compliment I'm about to tell you about is pretty great....

I walked into the room and heard (I'll call him Mr. Mac) speaking to one of the big girl's on campus, "Mrs. Big"....she is one of the most influential and well respected people in our district and has been for over 20 years. Mr. Mac was saying "well one of the best people we have in this building and in our PLC now is....." and then I walked into the room and he continued, "well this gal, walking into the room right now!". I smiled and said, "well that's quite a compliment!". He said, "well the fact that you care so much is what makes you such a great teacher and honestly half the battle of being successful here is caring as much as you do. For someone so new such as yourself, that is impressive". I thought it was really great that the fact that I do care so much had been noticed and acknowledged and the fact that it's being talked about to others, really important others like Mrs. Big was just.....well....awesome. It makes me happy to know that I am finding my way into this niche and I'm coming into my own, more than I had expected to during my first year of teaching, let alone the first week.

In other news, I learned today that one of my students is named after Steve Urkel.You don't hear that one every day! :)

To wrap it up....it's been a good beginning and I'm still optimistic. And it's 7th hour...the bell is about to ring...and I'm off to enjoy a lovely adult beverage. Cheers!

Monday, Monday

Hello blog world, long time no see! Since my "Xanga" days, I have been through many adventures including college, jobs, more college, a few small trips, a big trip to South Africa, mono, and many other adventures with my friends and family that I have documented well in the Facebook world until now. Now I begin a new adventure, a big step in the 'big kid' world.

This week marks the beginning of my first teaching job. As time inches closer and closer to the first day of school, I'm excited and nervous, ready, but anxious, and since I will be teaching the wonderful skill of "Communication", I knew it would only be fitting to communicate about my experience. This won't be a "teacher blog", where students and parents and administrators have access and get to 'participate'. No, no. This is MY blog. My time to let it all out...the good, the bad and the 'wow, the kids are being assholes today'. I wanted a way to untangle my thoughts in order stay sane this first year, so here it is my friends. Welcome to my new world :)

Today is Monday. School starts Wednesday. This reality makes me clench my teeth....it's happening, "it's all happening!" (Almost Famous quote for the cool kids). It's a wonderful feeling and it's frightening as well. I've got my chai tea brewin', my teacher bag is packed, and the following song "99 problems" by Hugo playing as I get ready to walk out the door to head to teacher meetings. Fitting, I think :)

I hope you enjoy following me in this new adventure. As I try to with everything in life......let's have some fun. :)